April 2011
Anonymous asked: Why the hell am i so depressed about nothing?
Things That Are Extremely Embarrassing
Having your houseguest walk in on you as you really start to build up some decent volume singing along to “Closer To The Heart” by Rush.
(It’s a Canadian thing, shut up.)
Oh, and especially if you’ve finally given up on zipping your normal-person jeans, and have started using the weird tummy sleeve thing over them. Are you air-drumming with Neil Peart? Just kill...
All I Can Handle, Kim Stagliano
Do not read memoirs by women with three (!) autistic children while pregnant. And we’re not talking, like, adorably neurodiverse autistic children. This is your basic non-verbal, fecal-smearing worst case scenario. All the power in the world to her and her daughters. She can be just as pushy as she wants to be, as far as I’m concerned.
Stagliano is a vaccine skeptic; she...
Thank You, Random Commenter In The New York Times
I noticed this bizarre aside in the piece on Stanley Ann Dunham as well:
Speaking of oversimplifying, the first paragraph of this (otherwise fascinating) piece indulges in its own fair share. On the basis of a photograph of two individuals’ body shapes, the author deduces that one (twentysomething Obama) is disciplined and one (middleaged Dunham) has “ceded to the pleasures of...
The Power Of Tumblr
So, you remember how, earlier, I mentioned that Lori Gottlieb was wrong to downplay the importance of listening to your deep-seated inner dissatisfaction with your relationship of three years?
Well, I have two friends who have been together for exactly three years, and I suddenly worried they would think I meant THEM, so I emailed female-half of the relationship and was all NOT YOU, I LOVE YOU...
Or...That Could Be It.
I’m watching “Hickory Dickory Dock,” one of the David Suchet Poirot adaptations, and I become fixated on this ginger actor, because I KNOW I’ve seen him before, and I’m thinking, hmm, other BBC productions, costume dramas, etc., and I totally come up empty, so I look it up on IMDB….and he was a knight in “Your Highness.”
I Had This Perfect Epic Squeal Of Happiness Moment
When I realized that Industrious Husband and I will be in Canada when the new Deathly Hallows movie comes out, so we can see it with my mom and my Aunt Peggy. And then probably a second time with my dad, because WHY THE HELL NOT?
(I’m sure I already told you that Industrious Husband read the books exclusively in Spanish, right, because he’s overly industrious and likes to...
My Mom, On Breastfeeding
Mom was sitting, feeding me, with her boobs, as one does, and my grandfather looked up and was all “OH, MY GOD, THAT IS…UGH, CAN’T YOU DO THAT SOMEWHERE ELSE?”
And Mom was all, whatevs, old man, because he was just kind of generally ornery.
Until later that self-same day, when the two of them were on the same team for euchre, and WINNING, and my mother got up to leave the...
Genius Concept For A New Work Of Speculative...
Time-traveling Democrats sneak back through history to 1961 and plant Barack Obama’s fake birth announcement in the Hawaii newspapers! Brave time-traveling Republicans follow them back, they have a “The Stand”-esque showdown!
Jerry Bruckheimer, call me.
“Drink alcohol. Quite a bit. Mostly bourbon.”
– Alex Balk, the Michael Pollan of inebriation.
Oh, One Last Thing On Tumblr and Mentions Of 4/20
I actually get more aggravated that we’re going to have to hear tons of stuff on Tumblr about Holy Week, since I think both 4/20 and Good Friday-Easter are equally fictitious holidays, but only one of those two holidays resulted in two thousand years of people tormenting the Jews.
But that’s just me. And probably some of the Jews.
(You should still talk about Easter, if...
On My 4/20-Preventing Fetus Being Stupid
Well, a) it’s a joke!
But, you know, b) it’s probably pretty objectively stupid right now. I think it would have a tough time following an episode of ‘Two and A Half Men.’
(Still love you, my adorably dim-witted collection of cells that should in no way possess legal rights over me.)
Do You Have To Have Similar Political and...
A reader emailed to ask my opinion about this the other day.
Kind of? Probably. You don’t HAVE to, but it really, really helps. Think of all the energy you can devote to just…having a good time…if you don’t have to go ten rounds whenever you watch Colbert together.
(Americans For Peaceful Communal Colbert Watching!)
I have very few friends who are actually bridging...
Marry Him! The Case For Settling For Mr....
I’m not actually going to review it, though it’s not AWFUL, or anything, if you roll with the ‘be more flexible about who you go on first dates with’ part and set aside the ‘ignore your feelings of deep-seated dissatisfaction with your boyfriend of three years’ part.
No, I just wanted to share the title of the book in Germany:
‘Take Him! You Are Not Going To Find Someone Better.’
Right?
Stupid Fetus
Happy 4/20, everyone else.
You Are Not Holding Up Your Part Of The Bargain,...
Rory just hopped inside via the window, threw up merrily on the carpet, then hopped back out.
That happened.
Fun Factoid About "Valley of the Dolls."
Jacqueline Susann based the secretly-mentally-retarded singer, Tony Polar, on Dean Martin, after he kinda blew her off when she was trying to interview him.
Pussycat with a whip, ladies!
Where ARE You, Lazy?
Why, I’m writing the newest (i.e., second) installment of my Classic Trash feature for the Awl!
Friday. Valley of the Dolls. You do NOT want to miss it. This is a book CLUB, darlings, so your input is greatly welcome.
