June 2011
On Difficult Honesty.
I really, really appreciate it when individuals, in an attempt to say something true, have to also say something that may reflect badly on themselves. It’s one of my favourite things to see happen in the world. Shit’s hard, you know!?
This thought most recently occurred to me at our anatomy scan, when we were making idle chit-chat with our ultrasound tech, as one does, and I said...
Do You Ever Have That Moment?
When you’re alone in the house? And you’ve just decided to watch an entire season of ‘Big Love’ that you’ve been saving? And your bizarre nesting instincts have caused you to spend the entire day cleaning and reorganizing your kitchen?
And you think, fuck it, I’m going to make shortbread?
One and a half sticks of room temperature butter, five tbsp...
Addition To "The Only Food Things I Don't Actually...
The reduced-fat cream cheese I just discovered I have accidentally purchased. There is no excuse for reduced-fat cream cheese. Go eat some fucking lentils.
The Only Food Things I Don't Actually Like.
Butternut squash.
Rosewater.
Any dessert I’ve ever been offered in a Japanese restaurant.
Raw onions.
Quail (see any other game bird with small, fiddly bones.)
Okay, This Was Funny. →
Although, obviously, there are going to be some women in the world who think this sounds like a decent way to spend their downtime on a Tuesday evening after work, because we are, you know, unique snowflakes with different wishes and desires. Bless ‘em.
Toxin-Related Paranoia.
So, you know, my oven is dirty. And I thought to myself, hey, I’ve got one of those self-cleaning ovens, don’t I?
So, I yank out the racks (I forget to remove the racks from the lower oven, having not realized that “clean” would automatically clean BOTH ovens, not just the one I always use), press “clean,” and wander off.
Then, you know, the weird smell. ...
Things Discovered While Industrious Husband, The...
Denali does not want to take his twice-daily phenobarb anymore.
He does not want to take them in a beef-flavored Pill Pocket.
He does not want to take them in a spoonful of peanut butter.
He does not want to take them in a spoonful of almond butter.
He does not want to take them in a spoonful of cream cheese.
He does not want to lick them out of a mostly-empty container of his preferred...
Things Discovered While Industrious Husband, The...
Not only will Rory Cat not drink tap water, she will also reject room temperature Brita water.
This, again, is the cat who doesn’t want to eat from her bowl unless the food is heaped up over the top, so that, Industrious Husband assures me, “her little whiskers don’t have to touch the rim.”
She is going to take the realities of having a newborn human in the house very,...
I Can't Believe They Found Whitey Bulger.
Because, to be entirely honest, I have always secretly suspected that my father-in-law was Whitey Bulger, and have occasionally considered dropping a dime to the Feds.
They look identical.
Classic Trash Is Live At The Awl.
Go play!
No, I Have Not Listened To The New Bon Iver Album.
Because I’m still in therapy from the last one. Have you even HEARD “Re: Stacks”? Let’s just load that up with Nick Drake singing “Black Eyed Dog,” and then we can all romp happily off to stick our heads in an oven.
He’s great, obviously, I just can’t handle it. Did you know he’s dating Kathleen Edwards? Canadian singer-songwriter? Of...
Industrious Is Away This Week.
And, you know, tragic, but it’s doing wonders for my ability to:
a) Go through this past season of RHoNJ.
b) Attend a (probably terrifying) “baby safety gear demonstration” with my preggo friend.
c) Make obsessive lists of things to get for the baby.
d) Crack and buy things from said list for the baby and then not tell my mother, who has Valuable Old World Superstitions...
Catching Up On Last Week's "Grey's" and "Private...
1. We’ve already covered that none of these people deserve to be practicing medicine on actual humans.
2. Coda: none of these people should be allowed to raise children.
3. Fife is the sexiest male on PP. And, considering Taye Diggs is a permanent cast member, them’s fighting words.
4. Are they killing off Tim Daly? Should they kill off Tim Daly?
5. Does...
I'm Really Bad At Things.
Competent, outdoorsy, living-out-West things. Like tying quick-release knots and figuring out how various gates work and putting shipping/training boots on my mare and slinging hay bales and adjusting surcingles and directing people who are trying to back their truck onto their trailer hitch.
(I seriously break out in a cold sweat attempting to do the latter.)
And I’ve gotten much better...
This Wednesday's Installment of "Classic Trash"...
…is “Lace,” by Shirley Conran. Get excited! Also, what should we feature next? No book is too trashy for my purview. Thoughts?
I Just Became The First Student Driver In Utah...
But, I’m sorry, is it necessary to tell the awkward teenage boy behind the wheel six times, ‘and then, once you’ve turned off the ignition, you can run up to that house and kiss your girlfriend?’
Check yourself!
Things You Think Are Super-Funny To Ask Your...
‘When do we learn that whole Tokyo Drift thing?’
Bonus points when you realize, as the words are exiting your mouth, that your instructor is actually Asian, and the chance of your comment being construed as mildly racist is…substantial.
This Is Distressingly Cornball.
But, last night, which just coincidentally happened to be Father’s Day, Industrious Husband felt the baby kick for the first time.
He was, at that moment, complaining in great detail about the Greek financial crisis, while I was tuning him out and attempting to read an article on Roman Abramovich’s mega-yacht in Tatler (also related to finance, right?), so that cut down on overly...
Pandering To My Base.
I think if I managed to write a post which covered Doctor Who, Buffy, BSG, Little House On The Prairie, Margaret Atwood, feminism, eating, cats, Jane Austen, and reminiscing about getting one’s period, I would probably tap into 95% of my (greatly beloved) market share at one fell swoop.
