Lazy Self-Indulgent Book Reviews

Oct 27, 2010

MEG: A Novel of Deep Terror, Steve Alten

Remember how I said that “Middlesex” was not a bad novel?   This is a bad novel.  Perhaps the worst novel!   How exciting for you!

I first read “MEG” (and yes, I just said “first”) on a ski trip, when my brain was too coked out from exhaustion to process something as complex as “Us Weekly” (you laugh, but Angie and Brad have many, many children now, with complicated names).  It is almost too bad to be good.  Almost.

It’s about a ginormous prehistoric shark, obviously.   If I had my way, that’s what everyone’s books would be about.  And, as an ardent lover of cryptozoology, so much so that I even incorporate it into my atrocious novel, this got the job done.

What I really wanted to share with you, apart from the basic plot - ginormous prehistoric shark wreaks havoc - is my favourite favourite totally awesome part of the first half of the book.  ‘Cause it’s not just rogue marine biologists making it with mega-hot Asian women for no reason.

HOW does the ginormous prehistoric shark get loosed on the world?   Oh, baby.  Are you as excited as I am?

Here’s how it goes down - our hero is searching the Mariana Trench for some reason I don’t really remember, and his vessel is attacked by a ginormous prehistoric boy shark, who gets tangled up in some cables and dragged towards the surface by our hero’s ship.   Enthused by the blood and fear gushing from his wounds, a ginormous prehistoric girl shark NAMED MEG, FOR MEGALODON, starts ripping chunks off of him.  And, because she is therefore bathed in his hot, gushing blood, she is able to leave the warm, snuggly Mariana Trench where she and the other ginormous prehistoric sharks have been hanging out, and rise with our hero’s ship (because of all the warm blood), through all the yucky cold water between her and the balmy surface of the ocean.

That is actually what happens.   You can buy it, in hardcover, for a penny plus shipping on Amazon.