Lazy Self-Indulgent Book Reviews

Shteir has written a new book about the gestalt of shoplifting, which I have just acquired (legally), and am enjoying greatly.

Despite, myself, never once having managed to steal anything from a store (from my brother?  sure!), because I am a gargantuan pussy.

Honestly, if I leave a department store without buying something, I feel as though I have stolen.  And I get sweaty and uncomfortable, and attempt to walk past the registers all “I have not found anything in your fine establishment today, but have in the past, and have every intention of doing so again in the future, my good sirs.”

I knew this guy at college who just didn’t feel like waiting in line to pay for his small bag of Utz barbecue chips, so he simply dumped them in his messenger bag and walked out.  And it was probably the most terrifying experience of my life, and I refused to eat any of said chips, and could simply never again take him seriously on matters of social justice, because my constant inner monologue had become “perhaps first the revolution could begin with affluent white college students not ripping off elderly Koreans, instead of…throwing chairs through Starbucks windows at G8 summits.”

But I’m sure you do get a delightful rush from stealing things, don’t get me wrong.  I’ve stolen wireless, and I used to use Napster, when Napster was a thing.  

Oh, God, my poor friend once got one of the “Cease and Desist” letters from our college informing her that she was in possession of Illegal Music, and it would have been upsetting enough, but they included a list of her Illegal Music, and, obviously, it was all the wonderful embarrassing stuff like the Spice Girls and Kylie and “It’s Raining Men” and all the things that invariably shuffle up on your iPod when someone wants to see it.

Don’t steal.  Do read this book.